What is our current sexual consciousness like today?
Much of our sex today is fear based. Our subconscious asks questions like “How can I keep her/him?”, “How can I make my partner dependent on me so they don’t leave me?”, “How can I get my partner to fulfill my insecurities?” etc. The way to break through this fear is to recognize and accept that we are all dying right now in this moment. Our sexual fears cannot stand in the face of death. Ask yourself before sexual expression - how would I make love knowing that everything and everyone around me is going to be completely gone? Would you drop all resistances and move deeper into the expression of love as you accept death? How would this change the quality of your lovemaking and giving of your gifts? To ask these profound questions is to move into conscious sex.
How can you sexually grow without having sex?
Anything can theoretically make you sexually grow. Even a heartbreak can grow you sexually. Feeling the pain from a past relationship or lover to grow your capacity to love yourself, your next lover, or other’s in general can be very transformative for your sexual energy and how you express yourself sexually. Much sexual depth can be added on to you. This type of sexual growth can be so difficult because all you may want to do is lash out and tell them how much they hurt you. But if you can let the pain open you, you may actually connect to yourself again.
How should one help guide a partner through understanding the variables of pleasure?
In my own opinion, I believe it takes a wanting to sexually grow. I just do not think there is "Top 10" list of do "x" things and now suddenly your lover knows all the dynamics and colors of pleasure. Our sexual energy is so easily conflated with our own self-worth, which is always exploited by culture. The layers are deep, and it totally leads to performance anxiety/self-doubt etc. I think one thing that lovers can do is disconnect from sexual content so the body can realign itself. If this is already being done, then I would say take a slower approach to lovemaking. Integrate sexercises, find moments to breath sexually together, or even use words to communicate orgasm challenges. It is a discovery process. Again, I think it takes a willingness to see that sex, orgasm, and sexual energy are much deeper than we think.
Can I sexually grow through adopting culture's sexual patterns and conditionings?
The challenge with this question is that a lot of folks do not SEE how our sexual culture reinforces pain. Some space is required to reflect on how we are being sexually affected. There is always a slight chance that culture will give someone the exact amount of pain he or she needs to come into a full realization. That space gives us a chance to see that sacred sex is not all about love and light, it’s also about darkness and negativity. It is our sexual biases keeping us in a world of expectations of what we think our sex is supposed to be. Break away from these expectations – sex is more nuanced and involved than what we see.